Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Why I Does What I Does

So, why did I start blogging? Very good question, actually.

Over the past few years, I've been involved with a movement that believes that vaccines, as a whole, are not truly as tried and tested as the CDC, FDA, and the Pharmaceutical interests make them out to be. Reading through the studies, it is apparent (apparent to my 10 year old daughter, even) that there are both methodological and outright complete data misrepresentation/misreporting. Almost every single one of them was done by a group that had direct financial interests in the outcome of the study. Then, as we often do when we dig into all of this, I find a very large community of people who, for whatever reason, defend the current vaccination schedule. Overall, there is nothing wrong with that. But, when it is pointed out to these defenders that these studies that they deify are rife with Conflicts of Interests and data errors, some of them go ballistic! They vehemently and vapidly attack anyone who has the gall and the audacity to claim that their sacred texts are in any way tainted.

Some of them are not so bad. Some people I talk to are very nice, very respectible and respectful, even if I do feel they are a little misguided. I understand why they defend vaccines; they feel that the vaccines save lives, and for the most part they are correct. But here's where I come into the difference of opinion with them. The vaccine schedule they insist we follow has never been tested for safety. Even the CDC admits this. The studies that they claim exhonerate vaccines and autism were almost all funded by the Pharmaceutical companies.

Here is what I don't understand. When it's pointed out that these studies could have conflicts of interests, it's almost like a light-switch turns off in their heads. No, I'm not calling them idiots, I just don't understand how they can so blindly trust "science" from a corporation that has been caught repeatedly lying about the safety of their products, that has been caught repeatedly paying for the outcomes of their studies so that it comes out the way they want it to. This is a group of organizations that have paid ghost writers to fake data, then they pay doctors to sign off on it. Do I believe this is a vast conspiracy? No, not at all. But I do believe that the whole story is not being told. And until independant research is done, as well as a study that looks at the neurological health outcomes of unvaccinated children, there will continue to be controversy.

Anyway, going on. So, I argue with the truly fanatical individuals. And, as one of the people whom I disagree with but also respect says, I think that perhaps I was using these arguments as a way to both blow off steam and to fuel my anger.

As some of you may know, being the parent of a severely autistic child can be extremely stressful (that's a picture of my handsome little man at age 5 at the top of the page, btw; it is a rare one of him smiling). Add on top of that; a sick wife, a 40+ hour a week job, Zero help from the government, Zero help from insurance, a ton of medical bills, and doing everything in your power to give your special needs child the therapy and help they need. Well, it is very stressful, to say the least. So, I used these arguements, the anger that I got from these arguements, as fuel to keep me going. Sometimes, I'd lash out at online people. Most of the times, it was because someone was being a total ass and they completely deserved it. But, I also lashed out at someone I consider a friend, even though I don't agree with her all the time.

So, it got me to thinking. Was this good for me? I see the use for my anger, but lashing out at friends?

I decided to follow the advice of my friend, Kim Wombles, and another friend, Thelma. They thought that maybe I should blog about my thoughts and feelings. And you know what? I cannot for the life of me figure out why I was reluctant to do this for so long. This is oddly fulfilling and liberating. I can express as much anger and say whatever I want on my blog, and I don't have to worry about things like moderation. If someone doesn't like what I write, well, they can kiss my ass as far as I'm concerned. This is MY blog, and I can write what I want. This control feels.....good (insert maniacal laughter here).

So, Kim and Thelma....I'm going to try this out. I'm going to blog what I feel here. If I feel angry, well, it will show in my posts; this will become my new outlet. Let's see how this experiment works.

And, I'm truly sorry for lashing out at you. Please accept my sincere apology.

1 comment:

  1. :-) I hope it will be a good outlet for you. Positive stories, too, though, gotta have some of those. Kathleen needs a positive story for the kicking kittens blog; something about your children and loving them, a special shared moment, something like that, in between the venting? It'd also be a good way to show that our commonalities as parents of autistic children should trump every other division.

    Thelma said to let you know she's right pleased to see that you're writing a blog. I can imagine that Louise will be, too. :-)